Friday, January 29, 2010

Weathering the Storm

Have you ever thought that you've got everything in control and that your life is going along as planned? Then all of a sudden, something occurs and your whole existence gets turned upside down.

I had that moment Tuesday. A friend called and told me that she was called for an interview to get onto the teaching supply list. I was thrilled for her because I know how hard she's been working. When I got off the phone with her the feelings of anxiety and depression I've been feeling about finding a job just started rising in me and all the months of supposedly positive thinking flew out the window. I had a really good cry for about a half an hour then gave myself a mental shake. I realize that I have been keeping negative thoughts below the supposed positive outlook that I show to everyone. I know that they are what have been keeping me from achieving the goal I thought I had set for myself.

"You need a plan of action" a voice deep inside me said. I am now setting about to set the goals that I want for myself and realize them into reality--does that make sense? Visualize what I want and where I want to be within the next year.

I have opened myself up to the possibility of moving from the only home I've ever known. That brings with it a lot of anxiety because of family responsibilities but I now know it's something that needs to be done.

Putting it out here helps it to be more real for me so to begin, within the next year I want:
1. To get a teaching contract in a high school for senior English. I'm taking a course right now that I just LOVE and I have vocalized to myself that this is what I want to do.
2. Get my house in order. Another blogger has been decluttering her life and that is exactly what I need to do--just start throwing out all the physical baggage along with the mental stuff.
3. Work at my spiritual and physical fulfillment. I've gained some weight back and I can now accept that it's because of the negative energy I've been holding within myself. I also need to spend more time in quiet contemplation, away from the noisy stresses of life.
4. Meet someone to share my life with. That is something I've avoided for quite some time and I'm not sure why. I have so much love that I want to share. I've kept it for my family and friends but I want to have that special someone there to hold my hand, give me a hug, let me give him one back--all the good and the bad. I'm really ready.

I know that I can fulfill all this and more and thank you all for reading this and sharing my new decade with me. I can't wait to start living!


MB said...

You don't have to wait to start living. Weathering the storms is part of the process. I hope all your dreams and goals come through and you get to where you want to be without too many storm clouds. Peace ...

Manuela said...

You're so right! It's not so much waiting to live as it is just getting things going (and I've already started on some aspects of it).

Thanks for your comments!

Cammy said...

These times of darkness are so difficult, even when they're below the surface, but we have to go through them to find our true paths. I'm so glad you found yours and that you're headed in that direction.

(P.s. CfA is a U.S. chain, not huge, but big enough.)

JC said...

Sending positive thoughts your way. You will achieve what you think and speak.